If i come over, it means nothing
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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