I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
