The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
