How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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