So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
