I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
