Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
