After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
