Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
