if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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