the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
