i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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