you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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