it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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