Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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