Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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