booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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