I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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