youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
