Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
