Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
