I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Congratulations! We have a period
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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