who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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