my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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