It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
