i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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