Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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