Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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