If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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