You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
