I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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