Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
