so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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