It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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