when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
