When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
