i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My vagina is very pro this idea
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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