hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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