In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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