im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Rumble strips road head = magical
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
