it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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