at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
