I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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