I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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