too bad you live with your parents still
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
