We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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