I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize