Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
