he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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