She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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