So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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