after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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