haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Randomize
