The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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