He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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