Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize