Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
