I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The Olympian is in my bed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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