So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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