im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
