Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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