he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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