i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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