apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
