just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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