How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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