He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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