Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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