I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
